Little seedling... aka blog post #1

When I post on Facebook at any length, I'm sometimes told that I write well, or that I have a way with words. Some very kind people even go as far as to say that I should take up writing as a career or that I should write a book. While it's lovely to be told that, it doesn't sink in straight away. The idea that anyone would be interested in my ramblings is so strange to me! However, for reasons I'll go into later, I've finally decided to take some small steps to try it out.

It may surprise a lot of friends to learn that I'm not a naturally open person. I'm quite shy, incredibly self-deprecating and very anxious. One of the earliest times I ventured into arts and drama (i.e. putting myself in public to be judged!) involved recording a piece of music to be used in a school play. I was the stage manager as well, so I pressed "play" on my own music every time the play was performed.

You may wonder why I relate that little factoid, but I feel a little like blogging is similar to that experience. I'm putting my inner self into a public forum. I'm not sharing "live" but I'm sitting back and watching as an audience responds... or doesn't. The audiences back then didn't know that the music was so important to me - or rather, that their opinion of the music was important. Of course, their opinion didn't change my ability to play the piece, but I wanted it to be liked - it was my music and it was going into the world beyond my own ears for the first time. Just as I shared my music then, I'm sharing my thoughts now. Your opinion of the writing won't change what I've written, but it does matter to me. So please let me know what you think.


The reason I've chosen now to start this project is that 2016 has been a funny old year... That's a bit simplistic, clearly. In popular culture, 2016 has become a meme - the entire year is an internet meme - so it's obviously been a strange 11 months. But January 2016 also marked the first time I realised that my health was troubling me. People reading this may already know that I developed post-natal depression after my youngest son was born. But in January I realised that my symptoms had changed so much, I no longer felt that I was being treated for the right condition. After a lot of investigation, including psychiatric treatment and multiple blood tests, I was told that I no longer have depression (hurray!) but instead I have a vitamin D deficiency (boo!) which also inhibits my body's ability to process calcium.

The symptoms caused by a lack of vitamin D and calcium include tiredness, joint pain, bone pain and muscle weakness. As a result, I've not been able to work or commit to anything substantial. And it's not for want of trying - I've put my hand to more things this year than the preceding five combined! Yet nothing has stuck, because I can't physically commit and my brain doesn't currently have the capacity for learning. I don't divulge this for sympathy, only to explain why I'm now trying to make more of this supposed skill for writing - it isn't a physical endeavour, I don't need to learn anything new, I'm using existing abilities and it's actually quite cathartic to put my thoughts down "on paper," as it were.

So, dear reader, I hope this has given some insight to my seedling blog - a blogling? Oh, and if you're wondering about the blog name and subsequent plant metaphor, the piece of music I played for the school play was "Ramblin' Rose" and I can't resist a good pun, but the metaphor seemed to work too! I hope you enjoy my ramblings. Please do give feedback in the comments or on Facebook.

Peace and love ✌💙

FeeGee

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